Star Trek: The Adventures of Captain Kundalini: Part 1

[Captain Kundalini]

(Preface: This story was co written by a bunch of other good writers and is basically a parody, so sit back and enjoy.)


As Capt. Kundalini gets his crew of rookies all ready to go, an alarm rings throughout his vessel. He runs to the bridge and his scopes in time to see the SUPER Star Destroyer, Indicator, appear out of hyperspace followed by an Mon Calamari warship and three Corrillean Cruisers. All eight miles of unholy terror, the SUPER Star Destroyer, unleashes all its laser power on the Star Fleet Vessel hitting all key points to take out the shields, the drive, and all weapons. Basically the Star Fleet Vessel is a sitting duck. "If only I had some warning." Capt. Kundalini thinks to himself, just then an image of a wookie, wearing an eye patch and a black Nautical hat with a Skull and Crossbones on it's brim, appears on the screens. "I don't want to destroy you. The women. Give us your women and no one gets hurt." The Wookie says with a smile. --The Surf Wookiee

If it's for the good of the ship...I'll...I'll volunteer myself! *Feigning woe* - Tinkerbell

Yeah, wimmin and children first. I'll stay here -- James

Some hero you are <g> -- June

I'm just in it for the uniform -- James

I'm in it for all the cool noises these machines make.
*steps up to the bridge door, it chuffs open. Steps back, it chuffs closed. Steps up, it chuffs open. Steps back, it chuffs closed.* I love that sound! *Steps up to the bridge door...* --Ultarman

Here's an old style communicator, flick that lid *bloot* Excellent -- James

Cool !! And that cool transporter drone!!! *running to the transporter room* --Ultraman

*vanishes, turns up on transporter pad* Um..I....*vanishes and appears in maintenance* Don't think you *the bridge* should be... *transporter room* Just bloody stop it *outside* Oooo....shi...*engineering* ...t. *Captains quarters* Hello Captain...I can explain.... -- James

The Captain, rudely interrupted from a romantic interlude with his yeoman, Lt. Catherine Carter, sits up in his bed while the yeoman covers herself up. "WELLLLLLL????" (waitng with arms folded)
Captain Kundalini

Well you see it's like this I *appears in the transporter room* You bastard, surely that sound can't be that amusing -- James

The Captain finishes pulling on his uniform.
"Computer, locate Lt. Commander James Whyley."
"Lieutenant. Commander James Whyley is in Transporter Room 3. > He is now in Hydroponics. He is now in Sickbay. He is now on Holodeck 3..."
(Oh, for the love of…. )"Security to Transporter Room 3. Find whoever is playing with the Transporter controls and escort them to my Ready Room. Make sure that Mr. Whyley is with him." (Sigh) Why me?
Captain Kundalini

*bouncing about in the transporter buffer* I don't feel too good -- James

*LOL* This is kind of like watching human Pool <g> --Tinkerbell

Neal is hunched over the transporter controls, punching buttons and twirling knobs with cheerful abandon when the two stonefaced security officers enter. "Alright, enough of that," shouts one, swatting Nea'ls hands away from the control panel. "Wha?" Neal murmurs thickly, like someone shaken violently awake from a deep sleep. He groggily looks over the two men standing on either side of him, blurry eyes finally focusing on the security markings on their uniforms. "Ahh...heh...Hi guys!" "We've orders to take you to the Captain." Neal laughs casually. "Ah well, I'd like to, but I, uh, have to go scrape some barnacles of the starboard hull. Give the Captain my regards. See ya!" He starts to saunter casually to the door but is stopped by a firm grip on his elbow. "Captain's Orders. You and Whyley to the Ready Room...NOW." Neal's face tightens in alarm. "JAMES!!! He's in the buffer right now! I forgot!!" Neal whirls to the transporter controls and furiously flips a few switches, cursing under his breath. "Hang on James old buddy, I'm getting you out of there...man oh man..." After a few breathless seconds at the controls, a very cross James materializes and stomps across the room to face Neal with a dark glare. "So soon? I was beginning to enjoy being a collection of random particles," he says evenly through clenched teeth. Neal cringes. "Fun, was it? I'll, uh, have to try it sometime!" James grabs Neal's collar. "Oh, that can be arranged you..." "ENOUGH," shouts one of the security officers, his face red with exasperation. "BOTH OF YOU! TO THE CAPTAIN! NOW!! MOVE!!" As they are escorted out, the officer escorting Neal stops and looks at him. "Hey!" he says. "Barnacles? On the starboard HULL?" Neal shrugs. "Ahhh...space barnacles..." The officer frowns. "Alright wiseguy let's go...MOVE!!" James snorts, "Good one..." --Captain Kundalini

I owe you for this, big time. I owe you. -- James

*ulp* Ummm...heh... --Ultraman


The Captain is sitting at his desk just closing up an urgent communique from Starfleet Command when the door chimes. "Come." Lt. Commander Whyley and the Transporter Chief are escorted into his Ready Room by 2 Security Guards who have made it known to the two prisoners that they are in some deep dip!
"Sir, I can explain...... ", said Lt Commander Whyley.
"You can explain when I'm thru with the Lieutenant, here, Mister!"
"Aye sir," said Whyley. His stomache started to ache. Captain Kundalini didn't call anybody "Mister" except when the person he was addressing was in so much trouble that they would find themselves in the Brig....or worse.
"Lieutenant! Have you ever seen what happens to a humanoid form if an accident should happen during transport? Have you ever seen what happens when someone's pattern starts to degrade?"
"No sir, I......"
"This is a Federation Starship, not a playground!!! The Transporter isn't a toy! Reckless endangerment isn't funny, either! You should have plenty of time to think about that during your 30 days in the Brig. That's all." The Lieutenant went pale. One of the Security Guards took the Lt. out and escorted him to the brig.
"Sir, I......."
"Save it, Mr. Whyley. You can explain later. Right now I want you to get down to Sick Bay and have the Doctor check you out. I want to make sure you suffered no ill effects from your little adventure."
"But sir, I.....".
"NOW!"
"Aye sir." Lt. Commander Whyley took his leave rather quickly and made his way down to Sick Bay. On the way, he thought of just how many ways he might be able to get even with the Lt. Still, it was rather satisfying to see the Lieutenant turn white under the Captain's glare. --Captain Kundalini

Ah there you are Lt Commander Whyley, I assume you're ready for your medical exam? Good.... Now if you'll make your way down to sick bay I'll join you in a moment. walking up to the captain's ready room door and pressing the chimes> waiting for a moment for the Captain to reply, sure enough a voice from inside says 'come' Walking into the ready room and up to the captain's desk> Sorry to disturb you Captain, but I understand you want me to examine Lt Commander Whyley. Any special instructions <smiling sweetly> or just leave it to my judgement?-- Mistress Scare-All

The Captain looked up from his PADD, glared at the Doctor momentarily and then, as he thought about it, a slow mischievous smile came to him. Here's where I pay him back for that little interruption, he thought to himself. "I'll leave it to your discretion, Doctor." "Aye sir", she said, and walked out to see to her patient. --Captain Kundalini

<muttering as she walks out> sometimes I could hug the Captain, Now to Lt Commander Whyley..... <walking out onto the bridge and into the turbo lift> Sick Bay <the lift speeds into motion> Mwuhahahahahahaha!!! I'm looking forward to this <the turbo lift doors open as the Doctor regains her composure and strides into sick bay> Ah! Lt Commander Whyley ready for your exam? -- Mistress Scare-All

I..um....you won't be needing gloves for any of it will you? -- James

Maybe, Maybe not..... you'll have to wait and see.... but you can bet you won't need a pencil and paper for this exam either <eg> Let me see, we'll start with a scan with the medical tricorder <flipping open the tricorder and scanning James> Oh dear, Oh deary me! This is serious.... <grabbing a hypospray> I'll need this and this <loading a small vial into it> Now then James, hold still this won't hurt a bit <g> --Mistress Scare-All

[Captain Kundalini]

"Captain to the Bridge", came the urgent sound of his First Officer's voice. The Captain walked onto the Bridge. "Report." "Internal Sensors have picked up an unusual energy surge coming from Deck 12, Section 2. There's also an energy surge coming from Holodeck 2", said Lt. Spencer. "Source?" "Unknown, sir." "Security Alert! ALL DECKS! Lt. Spencer and Lt. T'Lauria, you're with me. You have the Bridge, Number 1." The three Starfleet Officer's made their way quickly to the Turbo-lift and were in Security Section 2 on Deck 12 within minutes. Lt. T'Lauria took out her Tricorder and checked the readouts. "Whatever it was, came from within this cell, Captain", she said. "Computer, who was occupying this cell?" "Cell A-7 was occupied by Lt. Commander Neal." The Captain deactivated the Force Field and stepped inside with his Security Officer and his Science Officer. "According to my readings, sir, there are traces of an interdimensional gateway here." --Captain Kundalini

'OK, let him go, let him go' demands Lt.June, as she hustles the little grey creatures back through the azure portal. 'Now don't look so astounded Lt.Neal! I just thought you might prefer to spend the evening here in my quarters than locked up in that stinking hold!' June slinks over to Neal, offering him a large glass of chilled white wine. Neal accepts the glass on autopilot and gulps at the liquid, whilst still staring blankly at June. 'What?! What did I do wrong?' June giggles, throwing her hands up in the air. 'How...' mumbles Neal. 'Oh, that!' she says, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. 'That was nothing!'. She picks up a small, glowing cube, and tosses it across to Neal. 'Picked this up in a garage sale at that last planet we had R and R on...the freaky little lizard boy said I'd find it handy at some point. I wasn't really persuaded at the time...but it was so cheap I took a gamble on it. And hey, it works!' she grinned. Neal looks curiously at the cube, noticing how worm-like threads of light squirm across it's internal surface as he shakes it. 'Careful!!' shouts June in alarm. 'Don't summon them back again, I only get three free pick-up services, after that I have to pay by monthly direct debit for an annual, unmetered number'. Neal gently places the cube on the shelf, then sits down. 'You're going to be in deep trouble if they find out June' he sighs. 'Oh, how can they find out? You've only just been chucked in that hold, they won't check on you now until morning. Wouldn't you rather spend the time here with me? It's...comfier' June persuades, and moves closer to Neal. 'Would you rather I summoned them back to escort you to your dingy cell already? Or would you like to...play? Holo-games I mean, of course...'. Neal notices for the first time that June is wearing a very seductive little cocktail dress, and a grin slowly spreads across his face. 'Nah. I think I'll stay' he replies. 'After all, how could they find out?' -- June

Meanwhile, unfortunately for the one eyed Wookiee and his crew and fleet of ships, what he DIDN'T count on was suddenly finding himself surrounded by a fleet of Starfleet Battle Cruisers. This was because Captain Kundalini was able to send out an encrypted Distress Signal thru Subspace to Starfleet Command. Captain Kundalini, commanding the USS Excalibur, along with Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise and at least 7 other heavily armed and armored Federation Starships made quick work of the Enemy Ships defenses. In the quick and yet decisive battle that followed, the Federation fleet lost one battle cruiser while 2 others sustained heavy damage. The Calamari warships' Defensive and Weapons systems were knocked off line, but one of the three Corrillean Cruisers fired a volley of Proton torpedoes at the Excalibur while one went for the Enterprise. The third closed in on the USS Excelsior, firing it's proton torpedoes, but not before the Excelsior was able to fire a spread of Quantum Torpedoes which blew the enemy cruiser into a rapidly expanding cloud of fire, gas and metal. "REPORT!", shouted the Captain. "Minor damage to the Primary Hull, Section 12, Deck 9. Seven casualties. Astrometrics is offline. Shield integrity down to 45%", said the Tactical Officer. "Scanning the USS Triangulum, Captain. Their Warp Drive is offline. Their shields are holding, but just barely. Their Weapons are offline. Casualty reports are coming in.....8 dead, 23 wounded", said the Science Officer. "Captain, the Commander of the Main Enemy Ship is hailing us", said the Communications Officer. "On screen." A hairy bi-pedal creature with a patch over it's right eye glared from the View Screen, arms folded in front of it's massive chest. It was wearing an old Earth style pirates hat with a skull and crossbones on it. For a moment, it made a curious series of barks, grunts and growls before the Universal Translator kicked in. "I don't want to destroy you. The women. Give us your women and no one gets hurt." Captain Kundalini stared back at the creature and spoke calmly, but with authority. "This is Captain Adrian Kundalini of the Federation Starship Excalibur. If not for the fact that you have already destroyed one of our ships and damaged 3 others, I'd say you were insane. However, what's done is done. Break off your attack. You are surrounded and outgunned. This is your final warning!" Captain Kundalini looked at his Communications Officer and made a slicing motion across his throat. The Commlink was cut. "Lock onto their main engines with all weapons. Stand by to fire", said Captain Kundalini.

Captain, I am sensing his intentions are true. I say you surrender us all to this hairy beast, for the greater good of course. --First Lt. Mel Ship's Counselor

“One more crack like that, Counselor, and I'll take away all your leathers. Go to your room!” --Captain Kundalini

He means it too, I can tell these things as a Communications Officer.
-- Lieutenant June Communications Officer

*Hangs head and slinks off to quarters* --Counselor Mel

The Wookiee smiles and says, "You have 30 minutes to meet with our demands or my men board your vessel" The camera switches to the docking bay of the Star Destroyer and hundreds of white armor clad beings are preparing a boarding party. "My Stormtroopers will bring all of you to your knees. Now what about our demands Captain?"
--Surf Wookiee Troy

"Regarding your demands? Hmmm, History tells us of an American Army General who, while fighting the German Army during our Second World War, found himself and his troops surrounded. The Commander of the enemy fighting force sent a messenger to the American General stating so and that he could take his choice of either surrendering or dying. The American General thought for a moment then pulled out a pen and paper and wrote a message of his own to the Nazi Commander. The Messenger took it across No-Mans Land to his Commanding Officer and gave him the message. Written on the piece of paper was the American Generals' response; the same response that I'm going to give you now.” --Captain Kundalini

"NUTS??!! What kind of response is that?" The Wookiee smiles and pushes a button. The Star Fleet vessel shudders as it gets pulled towards the SUPER Star Destroyer as the tractor beam is activated. Metal upon metal sounds as the Star Fleet ship gets sucked into the docking bay. "If the thought of my Stormtroopers doesn't scare you into submission I have a secret weapon." The Wookiee laughs as a dark cloaked figure walks in front of the screen. The figure laughs a high pitched annoying laugh and pulls his cloak back revealing a bright red bow tie and a white face with horns all around his head. "Meet Darth Pee-Wee. Dark Lord of the Sith. Remember, the women and no one gets hurt."
--Surf Wookiee Troy

"Captain, they have locked onto us with a Tractor Beam and are pulling us in," said Tactical Officer Lt. Bryan Spencer. "They aren't going to take this ship. I don't care of they have a Sith Lord or not....whatever THAT is. Mr. Spencer, fire a Level 4 Tachyon Pulse at their tractor array on my mark." "Engineering, I need you to get me a photon torpedo down to the nearest Transporter Room. Set coordinates for their main landing bay. We're going to give them a welcome they'll never forget!" "Aye, sir...........torpedo in place, sir." "Arm it and energize! Mr. Spencer, FIRE!" Simultaneously, the Tachyon pulse beam fired and the torpedo materialized in the Indicator's Main landing bay. The beam of white colored energy shot out from the primary deflector dish striking the tractor array of the enemy vessel. Lt. Spencer notified the Captain that the Tractor beam had been disrupted and they were free to navigate. "Good! Helm, back us out of here and give us some distance!" "Aye, sir!" Once the Excalibur was out in the open again, it shot out to a safe distance and held position. Lt. Spencer cycled the Shield modulation so that the Indicator wouldn't be able to regain a lock on the Excalibur with it's Tractor Beam. Science Officer T'Lauria checked her readings at the Science station. "Captain, I'm detecting a large explosion on the enemy vessel. Location: Main Landing Bay. It is causing a chain reaction. Their Warp Drive is out, their weapons and defenses are off line. There is heavy structural damage to the under hull of the ship." Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Super Star Destroyer Indicator, amid smoke and dancing arcs of energy from blown out circuits and fuses, the One eyed Wookiee Commander could only stare in open mouthed astonishment as the damage and casualty reports started coming in from every deck of his ship. "My Lord", said the Indicators' Communications Officer, "we are being hailed by the USS Enterprise. Their Captain wishes to discuss terms of our surrender!" Back on the Excalibur, which had made its way to the USS Triangulum, survivors were being beamed aboard from the crippled ship.

--Captain Kundalini

[maryals]

LOL!! May I?

"Meanwhile, the Ship's Mascot, Porthos the Wonder Beagel, expresses his opinion of the Inwading Wookies:

[Captain Kundalini]

LOL!! May I?

"Meanwhile, the Ship's Mascot, Porthos the Wonder Beagel, expresses his opinion of the Invading Wookies:

Delighted! :)

"Porthos!" Jeez louise, how do you clean up dog piss in space?
Porthos just gives a very Snoopy-esque grin and meanders back towards the Captain's Ready Room. As he nears the door, he senses a dark presence. As the door opens, he is confronted by the dark lord of the Sith, Darth Pee Wee!

[gormworm]

.



Captain's Log
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stardate: -319979.39 (Christmas Eve)

I was having Dinner in my Quarters with Art and Ramona after giving them a tour of the ship. They were both quite astonished at the technological leaps that Human kind had made in 4 centuries. I was still chuckling about Ramona's first reaction to an Extraterrestrial, First Officer Saavik of Vulcan, when my Comm badge beeped at me. At the same time, a Yellow Alert klaxon sounded. I asked Art and Ramona to join me and we were on the Bridge of the Excalibur in moments.
"Report".
"Sensors have picked up an unidentified flying object entering American Airspace", said Tactical Officer Bryan Spencer.
"What do you make of her?"
Science Officer Saavik said, "This is highly illogical. Pre-Warp technology and yet, no discernable fuel source. They are flying at just below Warp Speed. One large main body, and it seems to be pulled by.....eight miniature animals of some sort. I believe they were called Reindeer. There also seems to be one out in front with a Navigational beacon of some sort."
"Point of Origin?"
"According to their flight path, their Point of Origin is somewhere within the Arctic Circle."
"I thought he was just a myth", I said with wonder in my voice.
"Apparently, he's real", said Lt. Commander Spencer. "and, it appears that he has spotted us!"
"Impossible! Is the Cloaking Device enabled?"
"Aye, sir."
"Captain, we're being hailed", said Lieutenant Stratten, Communications Officer for the USS Excalibur. "Audio only."
"On speakers, Lieutenant."
It was at that moment that everyone on board the USS Excalibur heard a jolly, old voice say,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!".

[gormworm]

..

Captain's Log. Stardate: -319999.17
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What a year it has been.
It's been full of ups and downs, good and bad, happy and sad. I've sailed the Cyberseas with Pirates and Space Rebels. I joined IW and got the boot from two other forums because of that, but I feel that I have some good friends here, old and new. Being asked to be a co Administrator for this forum hasn't been all fun and games. On the contrary, it's been a bit daunting at times, because I'm caught in the middle of doing a job that has been entrusted to me and also just wanting to be an ordinary joe.
I've traveled the country far and wide and seen a lot of interesting things.

What continuously blows my mind though, is the fact that I own my own piece of land and on it I have a handsome house to live in and it is all paid for.
I have a very nice car also which takes me where I need to go and where I want to roam.
At the end of the day (whenever that happens to be), I can go sit in my rocking chair out on the back porch with a Pepsi, a glass of wine or whatever I happen to fancy, look out into the West and watch the sunset.
Sometimes I either listen to music, talk to God or to departed friends as I do this. Other times, I just drink in the quietness.

I hope that everyone here has had a great year, too. I can't wait to see what the next year brings and I am looking forward to sharing it with you all.
May the coming year be filled with blessings and happiness for you and yours.

And thank you, God, for everything. :)
,

[gormworm]

...
PERSONNELL FILE: FEDERATION

NAME: Kundalini, Adrian J.
RANK: Admiral
BORN: Friday, April 13, 2332 (Stardate: 09281.7)
PLACE OF BIRTH: London, England. Earth
ORIGIN: Human
CURRENT ASSIGNMENT: USS Excalibur - NCC-56413
LAST ASSIGNMENT: USS Arizona - NCC-28227
ACADEMY CLASS: 2353 95%
BIOGRAPHICAL DETAILS: He entered Starfleet Academy in 2349 and quickly earned a reputation as being a brilliant student. Upon graduation from the Academy, he was assigned as Midshipman, First Officer’s Mate on the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D). It was there that he learned from the best and after a tour of duty lasting 2 years, was transferred to the USS John F. Kennedy (NCC-51284) while achieving a promotion to Ensign. He served 2 years of duty, promoted to Lieutenant and was then transferred to the USS Excelsior (NCC_2000-B) to become their Flight Operations (Conn) Officer. Within a period of four years, he was promoted to Commander and transferred to the USS Arizona as First Officer under the command of Captain George W. Harrison.
During the battle of Wolf 359, he took command of the Arizona after it was crippled in the attack by the Borg after the Captain was killed. Working with Chief Engineer Lt. Commander Mike Broady, he rigged a Cloaking Device to one of the Warp Cores and jettisoned it. The ensuing explosion damaged the Borg cube long enough for the USS Enterprise, temporarily under the command of Commander William T. Riker, to make a successful counter-attack against the Borg, defeating them.
Kundalini was temporarily blinded by an exploding bulkhead while leading the evacuation from the damaged ship. After extensive medical treatment lasting four months, he was declared fit for return to duty, promoted to Captain and given command of the new USS Excalibur, sister ship of the Sovereign Class USS Enterprise-E.
While on a covert mission to the Beta Quadrant, the USS Excalibur vanished with all hands. They are now listed as missing.
ACHIEVMENTS, AWARDS: Commendations for Original Thinking, Decorated by Starfleet for Gallantry Above and Beyond the Call of Duty, Legion of Honor Medal, Purple Heart, Gold Palm w/ Cluster, Medal of Honor w/Clusters.
FAMILY: Mother, Professor Gloria Autumn Kundalini (Retired), Father, Dr. William Ahmed Kundalini (Retired), Wife, Captain Patricia Ann Kundalini, Siblings, John W. Kundalini and William A. Kundalini, Jr.

[gormworm]

....
Well, you see it's like this:

After picking up some supplies from Deep Space Nine (Captain Benjamin Sisko and CK are old friends), the USS Excalibur received orders from Starfleet Command to proceed to the Beta Quadrant for a Top Secret Mission. While enroute, the USS Excalibur picked up a Distress Call from a freighter which had been hit by an Ion Storm. The Freighter had been severely damaged and was a drift, dangerously close to a Black Hole. Captain Kundalini gave orders to set an Intercept Course to try and save the ship.
When they got in range, the USS Excalibur was suddenly attacked by an unknown enemy! It was a trap! Main Energizers had been damaged and sensors were offline. Casualty and Damage reports started coming in as the unknown enemy came about for another run.
Knowing that now, the Excalibur was too close to the Black Hole and was in danger of being pulled in, Captain Kundalini took the helm as another blast rocked the ship. At the last moment, before the ship crossed into the dreaded Event Horizon, the point of no return, Captain Kundalini switched helm control over to Auxillury Power, and threw the ship into Emergency Warp. The combination of the tremendous force tugging at the ship and going to Light Speed, sent the ship into a Time Warp, sling-shotting the Excalibur lightyears from it's location.
At that moment, Communications Officer Dorothy Stratten had just gotten Communications back online and was sending out a Distress Signal to DS9.
To Captain Benjamin Sisko, it looked as though the Excalibur had simply vanished.

As Captain Kundalini regained consciousness in Sickbay hours later, he disobeyed orders of the EMH (since his Chief Medical Officer had been killed during the trip into time) and made his way to the Bridge. Even before he got there, he could tell they were in serious trouble. The hull had been penetrated on Deck 8 and anyone unfortunate enough to be caught in the aft corridor before the Force Field was automatically activated was sucked out.

There were over 100 casualties, one of whom was his First Officer (his best friend) and his Chief Engineer.
The Bridge was smashed and most everything was inoperative. Commander Saavik had gotten some Techs together and salvaged one of the Science Stations, getting the Sensor Array back online.
As more systems came back online, slowly but surely, Captain Kundalinii realized how badly the ship had been damaged.

Warp Engines were offline because of damage to the main Energizers.
Power to the Impulse Engines had to be rerouted through Auxillury Control because of damage to a main power conduit.
There was minor Structural Damage to the Primary Hull with hull breaches on Deck 8 and hull breaches on the Secondary Hull on Deck 11 and Deck 14.
Tactical was offline and there was damage to the Phaser Array and and a Quantum Torpedo Launch tube.
As repairs continued on what could be repaired the fastest and on what was really needed, Lt. Stratten got Visuals online. The Excalibur was just outside of Earth's Solar System. At least that was a plus.
The USS Excalibur slowly limped through the Solar System on one half impulse power towards Earth and home.
But as the Excalibur neared Earth, they picked up an odd transmission on normal channels instead of subspace.
Lt. Stratten brought up the visual and to Captain Kundalini's surprise, he was looking at the face of a news anchor by the name of Katie Couric. It was Television Show called, "Today".....and the year was 1997.

To be continued.........

[gormworm]

"Katie Couric", the Captain thought. The name sounded familiar. He would have to look up the data on Katie later4. Right now, he had more pressing business.
"Captain, Tactical is back online", said Lt. Commander Vincent Wells.
"However, we are still unable to defend ourselves at this time. We will be in range of Earth's orbital satilites, soon."
"Activate Cloaking Device."
"Aye, sir."
"Cloaking Device activated (http://www.captkundalini.com/Sounds/Cloak.mp3). We are now hidden from their satelites and early warning systems."
"Good. Go to Yellow Alert. If anyone needs me, I'll be down in Engineering. Mr. Savvik, you have the Conn."

On his way down to Deck 16, the turbolift opened and Dr. Leah Brahms stepped in.
"Engineering", she asked?
"Yeah."
"How bad?"
As if to answer her question, the doors opened onto chaos.
"Who is your Chief Engineeer?"
"That would be Commander Robert Wallace MacPherson."
"Where is he?"
"He's on the casualty list."
"Damn", she said with a breath. "Looks like instead of a passenger, I'm in charge now."
Adrian looked at her. "Leah, I wasn't going to....."
"Save it, Captain. We've got lots of work to do."

And so the repairs and the estimates began in ernest. After seeing to the needs of Dr. Brahms, Captain Kundalini headed for Sickbay and the duty he dreaded most.

That was almost 8 years ago. Using what tools and equipment they had and what was available from covert missions to Earth, most of the damage was repaired, but there was still signficant damage to the Warp Drive and without Warp Drive, they were stuck.
In the meantime, Captain Kundalini assumed an identity, secretly put his name in a Census Database, got some money, some 21st Century clothing and made a home for himself on Earth somehwhere in Central Texas, USA.

Knowing of the historic events to come in the future, the Captain and his crew are powerless to stop them, for they know that if they do, they would change History as they knew it. They must therefore only observe.

As time passes on Earth, Captain Kundalini makes allies with several key people and organizations in History, most notably, FBI Special Agents Dale Cooper, Sheriff Harry S. Truman, Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Clarice Starling, IMF Agent Ethan Hunt, John Denver, Actor Robert Redford and Radio Talk Show host Art Bell. While enroute to a meeting in Paris, France to meet with a Human Operative named Gary Seven and Princess Diana, he learned of their deaths in a car wreck.

Receiving word that he could next be marked for death by agents unknown, Captain Kundalini went into hiding out in the mountains of Colorado. The unknown enemy agents almost succeeded as he was driving his car to Bolder. He was found unconscious on the road and near death by two people named Ceg and Bear who lived in a strange mansion miles away. It turned out to be an interdimensional sanctuary known to some as "The Porch".

After staying there long enough to become friends and allies with the residents of the Porch and to help them in several battles, the Captain bid them farewell and headed for points West. He headed for the High Deserts of Nevada and there came in contact with Art Bell. Through Art Bell, Captain Kundalini made the acquaintance of a group of fun loving, intelligent and caring people who populate a forum on the Internet called Imaginative Worlds.
He is a member of Imaginative Worlds and holds the rank of Admrial. He is also a member of the Ghost Studies Forum. He is also DJ and Music Director of Texan Spuds Productions and USS Excalibur Pirate Radio. Keeping his true nature from his friends in the forums he frequents, he tries to help people out whenever possible and goes by the nickname of "CK".

.....

[gormworm]

Captain's Log: Stardate -318090.06
_________________________

The ship seems to be deserted.
As far as I know, we aren't scheduled for any R&R until Stardate -318093.55, yet the crew isn't anywhere to be found. Having been in Holodeck 2 for the past two hours, something may have happened that I am not yet aware of.
In the meantime, I have all Bridge Stations on automatic until I can find out what's going on.
......

[gormworm]

........


When Scott L. Spencer walked into the new restaurant that had been open for just a little over a week, he didn't know what to expect, especially with an interesting name such as "The Restaurant Universal". It was non-descript on the outside, except for the flashing neon sign.
On the inside, though, it was a different story. One wall (the western wall) was covered by a huge wallpaper of the Milky Way Galaxy. That was the first thing that caught his eye. It wasn't just a restaurant, either. It was also a bookstore and Cyberclub. Thus, it was a lucky thing that Scott had brought his laptop computer along with him. A pretty young waitress go thim a table over by the Galaxy wall. She took his order: a Cappuccino and a croissant with egg. He decided that while waiting for his late lunch (it was 5:00pm), he'd look around for some books. It didn't take him long to find an entire section of books written by his favorite author, Stephen King. He foudn his favorites right away: "'Salem's Lot", "The Shining", "The Dead Zone", "The Talisman" and "The Dark Tower" series. Right now, he was about 3/4's of the way through Book Five: "Wolves Of The Calla".
Ah yes, the Gunslinger and his Ahn-tet. :) He was wondering what Roland would look like in this world, as well as Jake, Eddie and Suzannah (and sometimes Oy, the billybumbler).
Scott's name came over the loudspeaker, stating that his order was ready. He took the book to the table with him, laid it down and then unpacked his laptop, plugged in and booted it up. It went through the usual process....that is, until the storm that had been threatening to break all afternoon, finally did so with a flash and a bang.
When the boot page came up, there was what looked like a dark tower silhouetted against a settting sun.

"What the.....?"

There was another, even brighter flash of lightning, a deafening clap of thunder. Then, the lights went out.....then chaos. He felt the vertigo seize him and when he was able to shake it off and get his bearings again, the first thing he noticed was loud voices from outside. There was a shout and then gunfire.

To Be Continued.....

[gormworm]

Scott dove for the floor under the table and got as close to the wall and the seat as possible, just in case a stray bullet found its way in.
He looked out and saw that the waitress who had seated him and gotten him his order was frozen with shock. He crawled out grabbed her by the legs and pulled her down and then manouvered her under the table with him, just as a stray bullet pierced the glass of the counter behind her. If she had still been standing there, it would have gone right into her belly.
"Standing up in plain sight is not a good place to be when the shooting starts!"
"Thanks. Who the hell is shooting up my cafe?"
"Unimporatnt! The imporatnt thing is to stay alive right now. We can get some answers later."
Just as suddenly as it had started, the shooting stopped. A fat man with short hair walked in with a stunned expression on his face. He had his right hand over the center of his chest and was quite clearly in distress. He staggered over to Scott's table, grabbed onto the corner of it and tried to hold on, but went down, his head hitting the floor with a sickening thud. Scott could only look at the man as his hand slid away from his chest, showing the bullet wound.
Scott blanched as he saw the wound. It was ugly, probably made by a .357 calibre or higher.
"Hang on, Mister. I'll call 9-11."
He took out his cellphone and activated it, but for some reason, he got nothing.
"Damn Verizon......stupid.....!"
He looked at the man again and knew that it was too late. The man stared sightlessly, vacantly at the ceiling.
The waitress was already crawling out from under the table. As soon as she got up and was able to look around, she saw others coming out from under tables.
Her first discovery was a horrific one. Her cashier had caught the bullet that almost hit her. Dead.
While the still unknown waitress sat by the body of the man she had been romantically involved with for only a few months, Scott approached the door of the cafe and looked out. What he saw was enough to take his breath away.
Nine people lay scattered about the street and sidewalk in various stages of death. Walking towards him was a man in black and brown clothes with a grey cowboy hat. He held two guns. As he was about to go back inside, the man with the guns whirled around and took aim at Scott.
Scott put his hands up...slowly.
"No sir. I am not the enemy. I am unarmed."
"You speak true?"
"Yes, sir. So, if you please, would you point those guns somewhere else?"
The man with the guns approached Scott, but Scott held his ground. He looked Scott over and then with a nod, put his guns back in the holsters.
"Jesus! You killed all those men?"
"Yeah. Anyone in there", asked the man with the gun?
"Yeah. A waitress and a dead man and a couple of scared customers."
The man with the guns elbowed his way past Scott and into the little Cafe, then over to where the dead man in the dark suit lay. He looked at the dead man once and nodded in staisfaction.
"You know this guy?"
"One of Balazar's men. He and his henchmen have been after me for close to a day now since I got here. They deal in lead and want me dead."
"Looks like you got the upper hand here, fellow."
"Maybe so, but it isn't the end of it."
The Gunslinger, for that's what the man was, got down on his knees and searched through the clothing of the dead man, finding a wallet and a gun.
"Mister, I don't think that's a good idea. The Cops are no doubt on their way here."
The Gunslinger smiled sardonically and said, "By the time the cops, as you call them, get here, I'll be long gone. You best be gone, too."
Scott looked at the body and thought it over. "Yeah, I think you're right."
At that moment, the waitress came out from behind the counter. She had blood on her smock.
"Are you okay", Scott asked? "Jesus, why didn't you tell me you'd been hit?"
"It's not my blood. It's my boyfriends' blood." With that, she sank down into the nearest chair and sobbed.
Sirens wailed from the distance, coming closer.
"Listen, you two had better come with me. It would be best because I have inside information that the cops, some of them, at least might be on Balazar's payroll. They might shoot first and ask questions later."
That was when Scott started hearing the music. Bells. They were beautiful and terrible and getting louder by the second. A rectangle of light appeared down the street.
"RUN!"
The three of them bolted towards the light and as the first squad car pulled onto the street behind them after they exited the cafe, they stepped through, leaving this world and going towards another.

To Be Continued......

.,.,

[gormworm]

As they all went through the Door, Scott became aware of sights and sounds assailing him. Through one window in the multiverse, he saw what looked like two lovers in a run down motel room The man left a briefcase full of money on the bed. Lovers? Not hardly. It was a blackmail bit. The man approached the TV and as he did so, the reception became fuzzy and then snowed out. The young woman looked up and was astonished to see the face of the man change. He had a lead pipe in his right hand and brought it down on the TV with crushing force.
It was no longer Leland. Then, he turned on her.
In that place between worlds, Scott turned away, feeling sick. He looked through another window and saw a meeting taking place between 3 men and a pretty young woman. Two men were sitting behind a desk while another stood over off near a file cabinet, smoking a cigarette. He was just able to hear the conversation. He looked through another window and saw a young man facing another man clothed from head to foot in black with a black helmet, flowing black cape and a face masked by a forboding metal breath screen. In their hands were swords of light, elegent and deadly.
And through yet another window, he saw a man who looked like an Egyptologist looking around through the tomb of an ancient mummy, looking for his two lost friends.
Another window, larger than the others. He looked through and saw a little girl of about 11 years old trying to keep her footing as the room swayed dangerously about her. From the window she was looking out of came an awsome roar. She sat on her bed and held onto her little Cairn Terrier as people and things flew by the window. She (and Scott) could only watch in stunned wonder.
Then he was past it and a door apeared in front of him and the others. It opened and they fell into the light.
,

,,.