Being "Alone" vs "Loneliness" - is there a difference?

[Nemo]

I decided long ago that I was not going to live alone. I also believe no one has to. There are plenty of people who want to have a relationship. I've been in many and lived with many girls. I enjoyed them all even though they did not all last. I would rather have a little drama then home alone. And, if you keep trying, you end up with a real sweet heart. My life with wifey is very peaceful. If we have any tension between us at all it is probably once a month and not very substantial. Maybe a heated argument once a year - maybe. I wish this on everyone, and it is worth it to go through some so-so affairs to get to a nice easy one. I would be devastated if something happened to her, but I would get up and start looking again. I will look when I am 100 because life with another is so much better and far richer. I would even take on a woman with a small child. It is tough, but it gives dimension and meaning to life.

[Dera]

I live in a beautiful area, with no 'close' neighbors, amid a forest and creatures of all kinds. It used to be paradise for me, until my husband passed away. What good is living in a wonderful place, with peace and solitude if there is no one to share the wonder of it all with? I came to that conclusion some time back. Life is nothing without someone to 'share' it with - both the good times, and the bad. Yes, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely...

Judee, I am very sorry you lost your husband. It sounds to me like you had the very best there is to have, something many of us never ever find as long as we live. Now you have you, and you are special and important and have so much to offer. Could you make some big changes and try something new? Get away from your "idyllic" place where all of the wonderful memories are surrounding and haunting you and robbing you of enjoying the rest of your life?

There are a zillion people out there who need a good friend like you and lots of great fun and laughter still to be discovered. You just gotta get out there so that they can find you. It won't ever be the same as it was for you, of course, but different can be really OK! I've been known to phone a single woman friend and tell her she had better get outside quick and watch the gorgeous sunset* with me on the phone and then we laugh and talk and maybe plan something to do together or whatever. I sure can get to blabbing, huh? No wonder I'm going on 12,000 posts!

*Arizona is known for fabulous sunsets!

[Judee]

Judee, I am very sorry you lost your husband. It sounds to me like you had the very best there is to have, something many of us never ever find as long as we live. Now you have you, and you are special and important and have so much to offer. Could you make some big changes and try something new? Get away from your "idyllic" place where all of the wonderful memories are surrounding and haunting you and robbing you of enjoying the rest of your life?

There are a zillion people out there who need a good friend like you and lots of great fun and laughter still to be discovered. You just gotta get out there so that they can find you. It won't ever be the same as it was for you, of course, but different can be really OK! I've been known to phone a single woman friend and tell her she had better get outside quick and watch the gorgeous sunset* with me on the phone and then we laugh and talk and maybe plan something to do together or whatever. I sure can get to blabbing, huh? No wonder I'm going on 12,000 posts!

*Arizona is known for fabulous sunsets!

You're a sweetheart for sure Dera! I am working on changing my life. I do have a wonderful and amazing friend, and we do go out and do crazy things at least once a week. You hit on something important -- we all need to find 'us', and I did that when my husband passed away. I proved to myself that I could survive 'alone'. I'm now at the stage that I know that I simply don't want to. I am a 'sharer'. I need and want to laugh, live, and love 'with' someone. And it will happen I have no doubt, because I 'know' it will! Thanks Dera.

[Alpha]

In my perception, being alone does not equate to loneliness.

One can equally be alone and lonely with a group or a few people, or even more so than being physically by one's self.....as others have stated in this thread.

Personally, not being alone, only to me, is sharing me, with someone who understands most of me, as I do with them.....it's a symbiosis of sorts of with another, who shares or wants to share what is of import and vision to both...along with the intent behind, infront and across.

As Div and others have said, I have no problem being alone, for the most part. I have too many things that I am interested in and want to do to ever feel that I am bored or need someone else to do that with.

However, man is it more than orgasmic in a totally non physical sense, when one finds someone who shares all of that with you and where and when you can share that journey and experience with them.

IMO and experience, I'd rather be alone than pretend to be someone I am not, do things I don't want to do ( concessions and compromise excluded of course) just to play/live some predesigned formula to feel I belong somewhere....or be "be around" people and pretend to relate and participate with them when I don't.

Been there, did that briefly and would never go back and do it again.

It left me more lonely and alone than being by myself.....alone and sometimes "lonely", however many of you here, take that "loneliness" away as we share many things that most of the outside world does not and for that I am most fortunate and grateful

[Dera]

Profound and true, Alpha. Depending on what a person wants/needs, one must get out there and look for it. Nothing wrong with having a ball and enjoying what you presently have while the hunt is on. Just never stop valuing yourself and what you already have.

I'm learning here, too, and teaching myself as I go. I appreciate my experiences that have taught me much. I'm "getting up" there and still have much to learn, but I'm working on it as best as I can.

You are sure right also that we are the most fortunate people in the world and I pray we can hang onto our freedom, rights, opportunities, and pursuit of happiness.

[axl]

Interesting article, however I think it leaves out one key point. which is that often people can feel more lonely with a group of people or some people than they do by themselves......

What do you all think about the "state of loneliness"?

I agree Alpha , many people have had the sensation of being in a crouded place and still felt lonely .

Typical streio typing usually comes from the media or the profesionals like that .

For instance ;

Some people prefure to be alone , yet this does not make them feel lonely or classifies them as being lonely . It also does not classify them as a loner .
More than often I prefure my own company , not because I am a loner but because many people have predictive natures which makes me unable to trust them , but this does not mean I feel lonely or am lonely or that I am a loner .

Sometimes I find that Being on ones own company can make me more efficient that's all .

A problem with todays society is that we are ( DRAGGED UP ) bought up to believe that we need other peoples permition or need other people to "Justify" our existance which is why many people settle for second best in relation-( yuck )-ships and then they fail .

Lonelyness is only a sensation of feelings that induce thoughts that we are one and alone .

how we act or react on those thoughts and feelings is what defines us at the time .
So I found when I was alot younger .
So what I did was to change my reality during my lonely times .

Now those times can never get that bad ever .

If people do feel alone , it is wise to use that constructive time to create rather than sitting around feeling bad .

I do feel sorry for lonely people , if they feel that way , but we must remember that all famouse saying ;
"Hell is being locked up for ever with your best friends".

[RedDog]

I've never been alone, or lonely. Loney maybe, but not lonely.
With all the voices in my head, I've got all the company I want or need.
Add to this the voices outside my head and the fact that we are not separate or really individuals. Lonelyness is mostly an illusion of conditioned behaviour. There is a big part of our psyche that wants separtation and looks for opportunities for individuation, which gives us the feeling of being alone.

It doesn't exists though. Which is a good thing really. Interacting with all the other souls out there makes life in this body more interesting. Especially, if I can give up the petty wants and desires this body seems to seek out, and help others with theirs.

[Alpha]

I just remembered this poem today and thought this thread was a good place to post it.

Alone - Edgar Allan Poe

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were - I have not seen
As others saw - I could not bring
My passions from a common spring -
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow - I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone -
And all I loved - I loved alone -
Then - in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life - was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still -
From the torrent, or the fountain -
From the red cliff of the mountain -
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold -
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by -
From the thunder and the storm -
And the cloud that took the form
When the rest of Heaven was blue
Of a demon in my view. -

Seems that this is an ageless quandary

Lot's of great discussion in this older thread!!

[Judee]

'Being Alone'... Since I've been alone, (speaking only for myself), I can say that too much aloneness is soul-sucking. For over seven years, I have been mostly alone and isolated. In the last year especially, I have come to know that I am not meant to live that way. Having time alone is wonderful, and a necessary thing IMO. But 'having time alone' is not the same as being totally alone - night and day. For me, it is neither a happy or a healthy state of being. And so, I will take a new fork on my path in life...

[Alpha]

'Being Alone'... Since I've been alone, (speaking only for myself), I can say that too much aloneness is soul-sucking. For over seven years, I have been mostly alone and isolated. In the last year especially, I have come to know that I am not meant to live that way. Having time alone is wonderful, and a necessary thing IMO. But 'having time alone' is not the same as being totally alone - night and day. For me, it is neither a happy or a healthy state of being. And so, I will take a new fork on my path in life...

This is a very interesting topic IMHO.....at minimum for myself.

After much introspection, my journey has been one of aloneness ever since I can remember or reconcile...think about it...the concept in so many ways, with perhaps brief interludes when didn't feel that way, or hoped that I was not.

I guess the term "alone" or "aloneness" means different things to us all and how that manifests for each and everyone of us is different.

I have had my greatest "insights" and "triumphs" being alone...along with more than deep sadness. I have had the greatest moments of seeming contentment and peace, along with other insight and experience, when I thought I was not, as well as the greatest pain and disillusionment.....but was I really not alone or alone?

I think "aloneness" can be very difficult...or even "soul sucking", yet it gives opportunity to really connect with one's inner being.

I don't know what the answer is ...or even if there is one.

I guess it is all relative to oneself and one's perception and definition of and beyond.

I don't think, as you write Judee, that we are meant to live that way. We so long for that human connection that will accept, understand, love us, just for who we are, as they wish the same, from us.

Why is it so often it doesn't work out like that?...no matter what the original intent and commonality is?

Apologies, I don't mean to rain on anyone's happiness and certainly not yours or your journey.

I hope your quest and journey brings you all that you need and seek

Do we sometimes ask or want too much? What is it that some/most really seek?

Like you, I have been alone for 13 years, however I was was alone for 20 more in an "official relationship" and alone with my family before that.

I am still very close to my family...I see them and talk to them every day.

However that said, it's all pseudo superficial, although we all love one another.....we are all still alone because we have nothing really in common other than being related and we go through the motions to make it something, when it really doesn't work for anyone, in any real deep meaningful sense, for anyone of us.

Are we not always "alone" yet in moments and fractals we really connect and are not...even for a brief moment?

[earthist]

'Being Alone'... Since I've been alone, (speaking only for myself), I can say that too much aloneness is soul-sucking. For over seven years, I have been mostly alone and isolated. In the last year especially, I have come to know that I am not meant to live that way. Having time alone is wonderful, and a necessary thing IMO. But 'having time alone' is not the same as being totally alone - night and day. For me, it is neither a happy or a healthy state of being. And so, I will take a new fork on my path in life...

I can relate, Judee. Too much is enough Whatever you decide to do, I hope it lands you closer to here (Michigan). VO is around here somewhere, too. Maybe he'll really start that Inn he talks about.

[Divinorumus]

Being alone is a choice of course. Right now, I prefer living alone, because that allows for the option of being alone. If I do not feel like being alone, I can pick up the phone and invite someone over, or invite myself over to visit someone else. When you are not living alone, being alone becomes impossible .. what are you going to do, tell the other to go stay in a motel for a couple weeks because you want to be alone for a while? Ha, right. Nobody could probably live with me, my routine and schedule is totally unpredictable and doesn't conform to a 24 hour day cycle. I'd drive whomever I would be living with nuts because our cycles of sleep/awake time would be totally out of sync (not always, but half the time). So, living alone allows me that option of being alone, AND if I don't feel like being alone for a while I can easily remedy that with a quick phone call. Heck, I bet I could have 50 people here within an hour if I was feeling really lonely .. just invite them over for a good high and free food, an impromptu BBQ and party. Being alone frees one from always having to take into consider those always around them in everything they do. Restrictive. Alone means greater freedom and flexibility. It's getting to watch whatever YOU want to watch on the teevee every night if you are a teevee watcher, ha, and if you don't feel like having your way every night, you can just phone up some disagreeable friends to come over and argue with you over what you WILL be doing tonight, ha.

[earthist]

Being alone is a choice of course. Right now, I prefer living alone, because that allows for the option of being alone. If I do not feel like being alone, I can pick up the phone and invite someone over, or invite myself over to visit someone else. When you are not living alone, being alone becomes impossible .. what are you going to do, tell the other to go stay in a motel for a couple weeks because you want to be alone for a while? Ha, right. Nobody could probably live with me, my routine and schedule is totally unpredictable and doesn't conform to a 24 hour day cycle. I'd drive whomever I would be living with nuts because our cycles of sleep/awake time would be totally out of sync (not always, but half the time). So, living alone allows me that option of being alone, AND if I don't feel like being alone for a while I can easily remedy that with a quick phone call. Heck, I bet I could have 50 people here within an hour if I was feeling really lonely .. just invite them over for a good high and free food, an impromptu BBQ and party. Being alone frees one from always having to take into consider those always around them in everything they do. Restrictive. Alone means greater freedom and flexibility. It's getting to watch whatever YOU want to watch on the teevee every night if you are a teevee watcher, ha, and if you don't feel like having your way every night, you can just phone up some disagreeable friends to come over and argue with you over what you WILL be doing tonight, ha.

I agree with everything you say. But when you call those friends for a gathering, can you discuss the topics you really care about -- and can you get input you value from the discussion? For me, at least, the answer is no. This forum is about the only place I have for that kind of stuff, at least since the divorce.

I don't want someone to live with me. I, too, would drive them nuts, and they, me. Sure would be nice to have a real discussion about stuff that matters, though.