Aspermancer Makes 2010 Predictions Using Asparagus

[Alpha]

This might belong on the Bozone deck, but hey...it's "divination" right?!?

Mystic makes 2010 predictions using asparagus


A fortune teller who uses asparagus to look into the future believes there will be a hung Parliament after using the vegetable to predict the headlines for next year.

Mystic Jemima Packington has forecast that Gordon Brown will be ousted in the general election while she also predicts the economy will continue on a slow burn.


Miss Packington, who claims to be the country's first asparamancer, makes her forecasts by throwing the vegetable in the air and analysing how it lands.



"Readings vary. Sometimes it will be absolutely instantaneous and other times it takes a little bit of interpretation," she said.



"Some leap out at you and others take a little bit longer."



She also believes that England will fare poorly in South Africa and crash out in the first or second round.


But she has predicted that Britain will experience an extended heatwave this summer.



Other forecasts she has made include a royal engagement and a high profile royal health scare or death.



In showbusiness, she also predicts George Clooney and Helen Mirren will win Oscars in 2010.



Miss Packington, from Pershore, Worcestershire, said: "Vale of Evesham asparagus is not in season at the moment and I refuse to use anything else. I have made my predictions using asparagus sausages which might account for some slight anomalies



Thus far her predictions have been correct. She correctly identified the names and order of housemates that would be evicted from Big Brother 2008 - the only fortune teller to do so out of four clairvoyants...............


Full Article

[maryals]

Would cooked asparagus reveal secrets of the past?


Mary and Bessie

[Judee]

Ah heck! I could have predicted what she did, without torturing the poor asparagus! Okay, I'll sacrifice some blueberries, and see what I come up with. Be right back...









Okay, here's what I got. The economy worldwide will continue to deteriorate; food prices will escalate; real estate will fall into the outhouse; politics will continue with business as usual; liberty will become a scarce commodity; war will escalate; earth changes will increase and cause increasing damage and catastrophes; asteriods will increase in size and numbers;.... How am I doing?

[Sadhu]

I concur with all your "insights", sis.

Gosh, Judee, you don't have to torture other life forms to have intuition.

Okay, here's what I got. The economy worldwide will continue to deteriorate; food prices will escalate; real estate will fall into the outhouse; politics will continue with business as usual; liberty will become a scarce commodity; war will escalate; earth changes will increase and cause increasing damage and catastrophes; asteriods will increase in size and numbers;.... How am I doing?

[maryals]

Ah heck! I could have predicted what she did, without torturing the poor asparagus! Okay, I'll sacrifice some blueberries, and see what I come up with. Be right back...









Okay, here's what I got. The economy worldwide will continue to deteriorate; food prices will escalate; real estate will fall into the outhouse; politics will continue with business as usual; liberty will become a scarce commodity; war will escalate; earth changes will increase and cause increasing damage and catastrophes; asteriods will increase in size and numbers;.... How am I doing?

And did you see all this in the patterns of the blueberries as they float in a bowl of milk? And of course you consumed the Sacrifice after?

Mary and Bessie

[Judee]

And did you see all this in the patterns of the blueberries as they float in a bowl of milk? And of course you consumed the Sacrifice after?

Mary and Bessie

I confess to consuming each and every one of the little divine (as in yummy) predictors!