Recently, I was able to view video tapes filmed by Preston Nichols, of the underground facilities at Montauk prior to them being sealed. They contained footage that he did NOT include on the videos produced for sale to the public. One of the cassettes contained footage of the bunker I brought into, what I have come to call my "door in the hill". I sat, as if in a trance, and viewed the familiar images on the screen...the large entrance area behind "the door"...the "bright hallway" (white) beyond the entrance area... small rooms located off the hallway. Although I remembered the hallway being longer, and a small alcove where an elevator had been located, it was possible that a wall had been constructed at what appeared to be the dead end. I had already confirmed the existence of an elevator in this location with a retired military intelligence officer familiar with Camp Hero's underground facilities during the period 1954-58.
Here was further validation of my account! I should have been elated. Instead, I found myself sitting there quietly, a knot in my stomach, saying to myself, "My God...it is REAL!" It doesn't seem to matter how much validation I receive...I don't want to believe what I know to be true.
Also while viewing these video tapes, I had a conscious recall of being contained in an isolation tank. This flashback included seeing a "face" of a person (human) familiar to me, and a telepathic conversation meant to calm and soothe me. During the conversation, he referred to me as "little one".
I met with Dr. Kouguell a few days later to explore this memory through hypnotic regression. From the moment he asked during the session if I was sure I wanted to look at this memory, a battle was waged in my mind. He asked me to indicate "yes" by slightly moving my right index finger. And try as hard as I could, I could not move it. Then he asked me to indicate "no" by slightly moving my right middle finger. It took all my power to hold it in place. I finally moved my right index finger ever so slightly. I had never had this experience while under hypnosis before.
I recalled being in a dark place...being afraid...floating in something that felt slightly heavier than water...feeling warm....and smelling peppermint or spearmint. He took me to a point before being in that place. I was laying naked on a table and had alot of wires attached to me, all over my body and my head. I saw "that doctor" in a white lab coat standing next to me. Then he took me to a point before I was there. I was home in my room (different home than now). I woke up and 2 men dressed in black clothes were in my room. I couldn't see anything of what they looked like. I asked where Joe and David were (my roommates). I was told they were sleeping. I was then given an injection and felt very sleepy. I was wrapped in a blanket and carried out the back door to a dark van (blue?). I was placed on the floor in the rear of the van and someone sat near me. The next thing I remember is feeling as if I were on a roller coaster. I don't know where I was taken or how long it took to get there. Suddenly, I was standing naked in front of a metal door, struggling with a soldier holding a rifle, while "that doctor" told me I "had to do this". I was sobbing , pleading with him not to "make me go back in there".
I couldn't continue with the session and Dr. Kouguell brought me back. I told him, as much as I wanted to remember what happened, I knew I wasn't ready yet to face it. Eventually, I knew I would have to.
An agonizing dilemma ensued. Conscious of my need to find the truth of my involvement, could I actually be unable to face it? What if my reluctance to explore this memory was being controlled by outside influences? And the battle continued to rage in my mind. Finally, I made the decision to continue...I had come too far to turn back now. I would face the truth and rely on my strength of conviction to overcome any obstacles.
Before we began the next regression, I related my observations on possible "blocks" of this memory to Dr.K. I suggested a deep-level trance might be needed to retrieve them.While under hypnosis, I started to "relive" this experience...
I am, once again, in a black enclosed area....struggling, afraid of drowning. Why do I have to be in this place? It scares me so much...I want to get out! I calm myself enough to float. The liquid feels heavier than water. It's warm and I smell something "minty". I can feel wires attached to me as I move my arms and legs slightly...on my chest and head, too. I stretch out my arms, trying to feel the walls that enclose me. On my right, my fingers trace the smooth surface, travelling upwards in an 'arc' above me. Floating...gentle motion...blackness all around...are my eyes open?....or are they closed?...is this 'blackness' I see only in my mind?
I can see movement...forms and shadows. Blackness lightens to dark gray. My friend is here and says, "Don't be afraid, little one. I will help you ...guide you...take my hand". Dark gray now turning to blue, like the sky ...white clouds. It feels like I'm flying. I can see a beautiful, lush hilltop,overlooking tranquil blue water. A large white building (a house?) with tall pillars and steps sits on top of the hill. A dirt road is nearby, and I can see a man, dressed in a short tunic, struggles to move a wooden cart. Scenes flashing...bright swirl of colors..orange, red, deep purple and shades of brown and tan.
I see a rocky, mountainous area...dry like the desert, dusty. There are deep canyons...high cliffs. Scenes flashing....diving through the white foam of a dark blue wave. I am underwater, among the sea creatures. But it's light and I can see beautiful colors. There is a dark entrance to what looks like a cave among the hills and rocks. Scenes flashing...a desolate place...not a nice feeling...barren...lonely...cold...a place out of time. Time is not what we think. Each moment is happening now...on an endless 'loop'. We can enter the loops at many points...but should take care not to disrupt the loops. Past, present and future are happening simultaneously.
After the session, I discussed what I had retrieved with Dr. Kouguell. Although, I was filled with wonder and awe at what I had experienced, unable to be sure if it had happened in the past or present, I still felt I had not been given a "choice" about participating. Dr. K. mentioned the fact that I had willingly "taken" my friend's hand...wasn't that making a choice?
I explained my feelings using the following analogy....
If someone was dangling me by my feet off the 13th story of a building, threatening to drop me, and along comes a man on a flying carpet, offering to save me...is that REALLY a choice? Or am I being coerced to follow a certain direction? After some discussion, I came to the understanding that I now have a choice. I'm able to jump from that "13 story building". I know I will not fall !
”Vigilance is the price of freedom.”
-- Thomas Jefferson
"Enslavement is the price of indifference."
“Flatulence is the price of free speech.”